About illness.



The worst part about having a sick friend is not being able to do anything.

When a beloved one is in pain, you wish with all your heart that he/she can get better as soon as possible, that they can feel happy again and be the smiling, lively people you remember them as. 
It has not been half a year since the last time I got really sick. It was nothing serious, just a strong viral infection, but I couldn't eat or drink for a while and spent a night in the bathroom, trying to expel from my body whatever was making me sick. These are not pleasant memories. I can recall the feeling of tiredness, the fever, then exhaustion, pain, frustration, thirsty. I don't want any of my friends to feel what I felt that night, and of course not anything worse. 
The love you have for your friends is something really strong, and special. At first with Eva, then Tia, and now Carl, I have experienced the worry of not knowing exactly what is wrong, the struggle to get information, the fear, trying to do something for them to feel at least a little better, to show I care. But the most painful part of seeing them ill is to know that I can't really do anything. 
I can sit in their beds, I can write them notes, I can hug them and kiss them and pray for them - but I can't restore their health. And that is painful. When you realize you don't have any control over fate, life, health, over the way the people you love feel and how they will feel tomorrow, when you realize one day or the other nature will do what it wants and you can't fight against it in any way, it gives me a taste of sadness. The bitter flavor doesn't leave my tongue and I wish, I wish I could give them my health and feel what they are feeling, I wish I could get their pain into my body and never, ever, see them suffering again.
Unfortunately, that is not possible. So I breath deep, and I send them my love and I pray; I pray that time goes by faster and they get better and come back.

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