Eu gostava mais de mim quando era menos melosa. Quando era mais forte e concisa, menos prolixa, mais decidida. Era melhor antigamente, quando eu só vivia pela vida.
And once again, Loss comes to greet me. "Hello", she says, when I suddenly notice her standing behind the door I carefully open. Her body is cloudy, diaphanous - she herself almost a ghost. Her eyes are the only part that can be seem, of a shiny black color, like black ink in white paper. Fascinating, they are. She comes in without asking for permission. _I've been avoiding you..._ I weakly protest. _I know. You always are. She looks around the house and touches objects, things that remind me of someone lost. Her cold breath spreads white steam. She stands in front of the mirror. _I didn't always look like this. _How were you, before? She suddenly changes into a little girl, blond braidings and vivid expression. Than turns into a teenage boy, black messy hair covering his eyes and a cigarette. She than become an old gentleman, all wrinkles and weak hands... _You are every single loss in this world._ I finally understand. She goes back to her old form, in si...
I wish they had told me how hard it was to be young. I wish I had learned in school about this sad phase of uncertainty that was going to taint me if I chose the road less traveled by. If I didn't get into uni like many of the others, if I breathed in and out instead of just rushing with life without even breathing as I would have done otherwise. I wish I knew how bitter uncertainty would taste so that I could be prepared, so that I could know it's a passing phase and all. I don't really believe my future is dark but I have no real proof I'm on the right track, and if I could only find an indication of that. I have no idea what to do with myself in order to be useful, to become a productive citizen of life and the world and not simply a mediocre working ant, I want to produce yes but not for the system, I won't work for capitalism or the government, I want to work for people for my community my elders my children things that I believe in, I want to serve happiness.
Jay's playlist: This is a playlist with most things I absolutely love in terms of music. First band/artist names, then one or more favorite songs by each, and a little comment in Portuguese on how I got to know this band and why I like it. Sorry English speakers, but don't be sad cause at the end there's a link to a youtube playlist I made with all of the stuff listed. If you would like to know me, if you already know me and want to learn more, if you feel like our hearts are connected through some magic force across the globe, or just wanna know some new music, here's the place to go. Might be subject to change as my taste changes. Playlist da Jay: Essa é uma playlist com a maior parte das coisas que eu amo em termos de música. Primeiro o nome da banda ou artista, depois uma ou mais músicas que eu gosto, e no final tem uma playlist do youtube com tudo que eu falo aqui para você ouvir. Se você me conhece, se quer me conhecer, se sente uma conexão comigo apesar da di...
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